I honestly have always felt alienated from this planet. In my knowledge and self-discovery over the years, I’ve come to accept and embrace my starseed identity even though many have given me the most disdainful and vile of looks. The fact that I truly identify on a soul level with an extraterrestrial beginning is very hard for most to resonate with, let alone accept as valid.
Reincarnation requires that a person “believe” in souls which are recycled after each mortal life has ended. The reason why this happens is because the soul cannot “die” in the manner we call “death” on a physical level. This is backed up by the Conservation of Energy law. Belief in the “starseed phenomenon” would also require that the person believed in life beyond earth, especially one that is intelligent.
I do not feel at One here, and although I actually want to become One with the earth system, it has been a hard struggle for me to adapt. My everyday life is a struggle because I constantly strive to be myself in an oppressive world. If I’m not being hated on for being gay, I’m being hated on for being Pagan. If I’m not being hated on for being Pagan, I’m hated on for being a Starseed. There are many things for Society to dislike about the content of my character and appearance, but I have come here to learn of this humanity and way of life. Like it or not, I’m human, too, and I personally feel great to admit that this is equally my planet.
When I grew up, it was very hard for me to adjust to this planet. I was picked on, alienated, bullied, and differentiated from the rest of the kids, heck, even the adults and teachers didn’t approve of me. I was labeled as the special kid and/or the kid with ADHD problems. Little did I know at the time, I was born an Indigo Child. I first heard the term when I was about 12 years-old. Believe it or not, Brit M., was the one who I met on the Internet and we’d talk about Wicca, Paganism, and New Age stuff. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I reunited with the term “Indigo Child” on my own and found www.indigosociety.com (where 2,000+ posts can be found under Michael Unbreakable).
I practically grew up on the Internet, and met a wonderful variety of human beings whom I call friends. I personally have more Internet-made friends who have been there for me in my deepest times of need more than any real life human ever has— and I’ve sincerely sought to change that over the past several years, which is how I suddenly shifted from being a lethargic, sun-avoiding, introverted night owl obsessed with the computer. I am now active, sun-craving, extroverted, and bold! I still have my old tendencies, but they really only serve as a dual balance.
At some point a year or so ago, I decided that I was going to pursue my healing path. I figured that at that time, I was healthy enough to heal others— which was a fair assessment to make. Today— I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained because of the pressure and stress that my current lifestyle offers me. I suppose my predecessors and elders would wish to tell me, “Chin up, kid! That’s life for you.” Well no— “That’s YOUR life,” I’d imagine, but all in all…. this is my life currently, and I truly seek to change that.
Upon my spiritual path, which started very young for me at the age of 11, I have learned that the mind creates its own reality— that we are the masters of our Universe. The body’s senses, both physical and metaphysical, all receive stimuli which the brain comprehends and commits to memory. It systematically knows what each form of stimuli is what and how it can benefit the person. In a way, we are biological machines given a spirit, a soul, a destiny, and so much more— but what exactly is Destiny? A fancy word we humans came up with to give our meaningless lives some meaning? Or is it something more divinely inspired? Is Destiny but a reference to the sacred manuscript that our very soul coauthored with the Higher Creator of All That Be?
Who are we when we are dull, dim, and dark, when our inner light has depleted in such low luminosity that we cannot see the path any longer? Who or what do we conform to when we grow this lost and confused? What sense of purpose remains even when the candle’s wick no longer is lit? The mystics say we are attached to this world by a silver cord from the Root Chakra. That very cord, which we cannot sever physically, is what keeps us planted here through all else— it’s what keeps us tethered to our sense of destiny even when our story’s most chaotic calamity is being transgressed. How do we not drift away in the winds of Time when she blows her fury through our lives and all seems to be left in rubble? And yet we rebuild. Time and time again.
Us humans, born to be the shepherds of the earth, the caretakers of the universe. We are creators, divinely inspired by the truest Inspiration of Divinity. I know that whoever I discover myself to be, however well-known I feel to myself, or however lacking in identity I feel at times— I know that whatever feels right in all of this is what I should conform to. Whatever my heart, gut, and soul tells me is what I lead by. My head often discourages me, I won’t lie. I often wonder what type of mockery I’m making of my life, who I’m disappointing because of my “outlandish beliefs,” and what type of reputation I’m missing out on as the scientist I’d like to be just because I think I’m not from here, I can do magic, I believe in nature as a spirit and soul, and that metaphysics is what I gladly proclaim to be very real.
One big problem for me is that I often discover things about myself, the world, and so on, but I mistrust the information even though I genuinely felt a sensation that gave me a good reason to invest my time into such wonder. I feel that I am a star person, that I am an emerging indigo adult, that I have a plethora of soul gnosis waiting to pour through from higher-dimensional lives, and that I can perform psychic readings and talented healings for people. Even though I’ve had countless experiences that any normal person wouldn’t object to being paranoia or “just seeing stuff,” I often still have these fleeting ideas of “What if?” What if I’m crazy or allowing myself to believe such “silly” things?
As a spiritualist and metaphysical-based person, I also have a very logical, scientific-based mind, and since I was very young, I had made it my soul mission to unite science and spirituality. I honestly feel that I want to use science to explain spirituality— because it just can’t be not real, you know? Such troubling thoughts…….. Regardless, I think at the end of the day, I have to meditate, balance, regroup, and focus on my earth life. I feel that all of this information has prevented me from enjoying my “Michael life,” but I honestly don’t care too much. It’s funny because I’ve known people to confuse what I’m going through as “trying to grow up too fast,” when in all reality, as a star person with a major destiny checklist to fulfill before mortal cessation— I feel that TIME IS RUNNING OUT 24/7 and the anxiety is going to KILL ME!
My biggest problem is that I feel WASTED 24/7, that I’m not doing Enough with myself or my time, or that Time itself isn’t available and that I’ve disappointed the entire planet. If I’m not doing something productive, I feel guilty— and hardcore psychologists take note however you want, but it’s not some crazy pathos or psychosis. It’s deeply metaphysical at this point why I am the way I am right now, or perhaps I got stuck into a lower thinking module and I can’t get out of the hole. Over the years I have always felt responsible for the weight of the world, mainly because I knew that I could see Life and The World differently than almost anyone I’ve ever met—- which is why I embarked to write my book on Tarot and finished it. I feel that I know a lot, more than someone my age should, and that unlike calling it a curse, I just strive daily to live and cope with it. I’m such a creative person, not because of my skills or talents, but because I have to be doing something 24/7, which is another one of my biggest problems. I cannot stop doing stuff. I am a busy bee, on the go, doing this, doing that— and it’s not places so much, but it’s projects.
I can slow myself and smell the roses every now and then, and I totally understand the point of Zen Buddhism and Meditation (which I’m very good at), but when I’m out of Meditation…. BOOM! I go right back to me doing something. For example, I just spent six hours scrapbooking for my Law of Attraction book. I think I held my pee in for three hours because I was so enveloped by it. I haven’t even had a liquid in several hours— and yet I wonder why I’m so physically unhealthy.
After writing all this, it really has hit me that I spend so much time in my little bubble world of “Michael’s Universe” that I forget about the rest of earth living. I sincerely do absolutely nothing major in my life other than doing something creative, gardening, chatting with friends on some device, drinking a lot of wine, and going out to dinner. I really didn’t realize it, but my life is absolutely out of whack! I am NOT balanced one bit— even though I’ve thought so all this time. I don’t exercise, I don’t work, I don’t read wholesome fictions anymore, I don’t read up on anything new or old anymore— I honestly have backed myself into a Singular Reality where I evade everything I disapprove of, anything I don’t want to hear, and anything I don’t care to be burdened by.
As from Spirituality— that is the goal of enlightenment, but really… which comes first? My disapproval or my listening? I think in order to technically NOT be ignorant in my Singular Reality— I have to objectively Listen first, then Disapprove if I’ve so chosen to….. right. So, what I’ve learned from most of this.. is that I honestly forgot what this whole Human thing is all about.. why we have well-rounded lives, why we do so many different things, and why it’s not good to live in a hermetically-sealed singular reality where I deflect 100% of what I believe isn’t beneficial to me— which I bet 100% of it could be beneficial to me in some way.
So what I will take with me tonight in my self-analysis… is that I want to re-open my mind, my heart, my spirit, my soul, and my body to receiving the energies of life. I was taught that enlightenment was a spiritual filter, but now I am seeing the world in a new way, I suppose. Enlightenment is Awareness, for sure, and about the filter, but not so “You Shall Not Pass” as it was before. Enlightenment is balance, taking the good and the bad as it Came (Not Comes), and sorting it out later. I have a pretty STRONG intuition and sense of self-respect, self-worth, and presentiments, which is why I often deflect so much of others’ singular realities— but I feel it’s time to be open to how others live their Universe… because it’s just how we grow and evolve.
I think in this Ascension, this post 2012, my major deal is opening up and being more of my earthy self and not my akashic self. After all, I came here to be Michael, not some other past life. The past is only a reference point. The present is where I should live… the future where I should create what the present lacks.
Namaste and thanks for reading. ♥